Nintendo Releases a Rough Draft as a Final Product

http://www.gonintendo.com/content/uploads/images/E3/image_60348_thumb_wide930.jpg

The image above comes from Gonintendo, the first is the 2DS that I’m sure you’ve heard so much about by now. From right to left you have the following:

On the far right is the 3DS XL, the first semi-decent, next-gen handheld system from Nintendo. Its’ battery life is still undesirable, a joke compared to past Nintendo handhelds. It also still has the 3DS emphasis but is still solid and useful with a clamshell shape.

In the center is the 3DS, a piece of crap that barely lives long enough to let you know that it exists. Shoved into the lower corner of the system is the 2nd class citizen at Nintendo right now, also known as the dpad . Don’t forget about the afterthought, the backwards compatibility.  Very poor scaling is the name of its’ game, in combination with none 1:1 symmetrical screens – it’s a pos that should have remained a concept.

Very first is the 2DS, it’s a Ben Heck rough draft that Nintendo found. Nintendo heard us cry for a 3DS without 3D and a solid battery life and games but didn’t want to fulfill it properly. So instead they take something that Mr. Heck would not have ever released, maybe a joke that he scribbled on a napkin (This is just a joke, Ben does awesome work). From there they decide to release it under the guise of appealing to parents. You cannot protect the screens like the entire rest of the DS and 3DS line can do. You can not angle it like the rest of the DS and 3DS line. Heck, it looks like a cheap piece of crap. Not even the original DS Phat looked like crap.

I look at it and I see an anorexic Gameboy DS. In this use of “DS” it doesn’t mean “dual screens” or “developer’s system”. Oh not, it means “Dual-screened Slate”. It’s creative, it’s new and it’s totally unheard of. Instead of releasing something that fans could rally behind and love, they release a cheaply priced, mono sound reject in a very grudging and snide manner. Nintendo doesn’t care about its’ fan or its’ market. At least not beyond being able to do anything they want like a retired prude. We get the message Nintendo. You couldn’t publicly say F U to the fans so instead you released the Wii U. Wii U Nintendo. Wii U with a splintered broomstick.
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Experiencing Problems With Your Nintendo 3DS After The Last System Update? Do These Steps

This one is reblogged purely for my handheld brethren. Protect your investments, don’t let your 3DS XL‘s go to waste!

My Nintendo News

nintendo_3ds_light_blueApparently, some Nintendo 3DS owners are experiencing issues with their system after performing the latest system update. If you can no longer access the Nintendo eShop and System Settings due to the latest system update, Nintendo says to try these three steps:

  1. Power the system off.
  2. Press the power button, then immediately press and hold down the L button, R button, A button, and Up on the +Control Pad. Keep holding down the buttons until the system update screen is displayed.
  3. Tap OK on the system update screen.

If the situation remains unresolved, call Nintendo at 1-800-255-3700.

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Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn…

Cutting Edge SNES Graphics

…HAS THE FREAKING COOL MAGITEK ARMOR FROM FINAL FANTASY VI IN IT! Wait, this is just a trick to use my nostalgia to gain interest in a new game. They’re leveraging content from the best Final Fantasy game ever made and it. is. working. Oh my, look at it. Please, just look at it. Why does it have to be an MMO?

The original art.

I wish that it could be played in single player offline like Phantasy Star Online so that I could at least try to enjoy the core experience without the monthly subscription fee and noobs. Yes, I still use "noobs". Noob moments happen to the best of us, they’re the nerd version of a certain type of a moment from the Boondocks. Just look at these screens people, LOOK! MIRA!

Modern Technology = Beer Goggles For Gaming.

Yes, games should be judged by their content and the quality of their gameplay just like how men should be judged by their actions and the content of their character. How many of you have actually done that 24/7 for the entirety of your life? None of you so hush, stop judging! It’s like having a business lunch and a very attractive, well dressed woman walks by, it’s going to be distracting despite how much you respect or disrespect women.

To take this much, MUCH further, it’s like having a new Zelda game launch on a day you had to do the thing with your friend. You know it’s not going to be fun after the first playthrough. Heck, you know it’s going to have plenty of tedious puzzles, way too many cinematics and do everything but be a true challenge. You just want to dive into that Zelda lore, to see what’s new in the world and to hope that Nintendo has not let you down (again). You know that your $50 could have been better spent but for the superficial beauty of modern tech and your nostalgia you buy that title anyway. If I was still buying games just to buy them and fly through them for bragging rights I would jump into this mmo, thank God I don’t do that anymore. Still, you know there has to be some more awesome fanservice in this late year release that’s going to tempt me and possibly you Reader. Let’s be strong!

Nintendo, Return To Greatness

Please do so. It’s like they know exactly what we want before we want it and decide that they will either go all out and give it to us or flip us the bird and go the other way. They just don’t care, they don’t care not one bit. You’d never believe that they were one of the first gaming companies to experiment with the internet in a meaningful way from their actions. They just don’t care or if they do then they have a hard time showing it.

Let’s take a look at their most recent Nintendo Direct, a video broadcast whose purpose is tell us Nintendo’s intentions directly.

Miiverse crap, boring.

TVii crap, boring

Oooh, free updates are coming! System updates will allow for a more responsive system since they’re focusing on launching games faster and returning to the main menu more quickly. Wait, is it slow now?

Virtual Console is late to the party, it will come in a few months. You do have the “opportunity” to beta test it for 30 cents a month. No, Nintendo didn’t call it a beta test but they will be granting you access to an unfinished service while charging you for it. Hey, they sold you an incomplete controller and sell incomplete handhelds so don’t be surprised.

I am a gamer. Very simply, I play games. I enjoy other mediums but when I decide to play games I go to a device that can handle them very well. I prefer to pick up a controller or a mouse or whatever it is I’m using and start playing as soon as possible. That’s a primary function of gaming consoles, getting us into the game fast and at home.

Somehow Nintendo decided that it was fine to start their broadcast off by telling us about an actively censored and invasive social service, video streaming on a dumb-tablet that’s tethered to your tv and updates to their software that honestly shouldn’t have been needed this soon in the game. As awesome as the concept of the Wii U is it does seem like it was released prematurely. Nintendo usually handles their first impressions much, much better than this. I guess that when you can update and iterate as often as you like, the quality incensed by Shigeru Miyamoto’s saying of “a bad game that is released is bad forever” much seem restrictive. Just get that crap to a “good enough” level then toss it out there!

This broadcast lasted for about 36 minutes, why did it take about 9 minutes to start getting to anything related to new games? Nintendo decided to focus on gimmicks instead of depth. No, I’m not calling the Game Pad a gimmick. I communicate from the context of a gamer and about gaming. In gaming, anything that doesn’t add to the actual gameplay experience is a gimmick. Doesn’t necessarily make it bad because it’s a gimmick but did they really need to get some over-anxious fans and reporters up at 6 in the morning to tell them they can post drawings from Scribblenauts on their social network? Why couldn’t they have just blown us away with the games first and then tell us that in order to complement these awesome experiences that we could use Miiverse features X and Y to do Z? Nintendo is too focused on non-gaming things now. I appreciate that you want/need to diversify but please don’t do it at the neglect of your core market. People were crazy over the Wii but with the U it’s like some insult was directed at someone before getting to “U”.

The Virtual Console is a thing of beauty – for Nintendo. They have monetized roms and an inferior packaging and access for them. Sure, we can backup game saves and will eventually get GameBoy Advance games but why wasn’t this available at launch? Hulu was ready. We’re only getting NES and SNES games this spring. The NES alone should not have been placed on the backburner to get something like Netflix going.

To make matters worse, you still have to manually transfer games from your old Wii to the Wii U via an SD sard. Nope, we still don’t have a Wii Channel to just add all of our games to a Nintendo Network account so that we can redownload them. Games are still tied to the console and not to the account. If you want to play the game in Wii U mode, not Wii mode, you will have to pay $1 for NES games and $1.50 for SNES games as long but only if you’ve already bought them.

Nintendo, please tell why I should spend $349.99 for console with a tethered tablet controller when I will be able to buy a Wikipad Tablet that can go anywhere in the world for as long as its’ battery lasts? A tablet that runs Android and powerful enough hardware to play all of your released and unreleased Virtual Console games via emulators without trouble? I can take this anywhere in my home, on the bus, in the car and have my game saves backed up too. Tell me, please.

Nintendo Says:

Bayonetta 2: “The scale of the game is completely different this time so it feels like you’re fighting the last boss from the very beginning.”

Nintendo didn’t say you could speak yet.

I need that right n-

 

NINTENDO SAYS SHUT UP!


BU-

SILENCE! THAT IS ALL YET TO COME!

BEHOLD, WHAT WE OFFER NOW!

And this Atlus game too!

WHY DID YOU MAKE ME WAIT?!

Nintendo: Because I hate you!

That is all completely messed up. Nintendo is capable of bringing content to its’ platform that gamers care about but they are increasingly trying to screw with access, player experience and console focus. Nintendo, make games. Focus on the games, focus very hard on the games. Solely Microsoft and Sony customers don’t care much for you because you usually target different portions of the market or fail to bring very serious challenges to them in their bloody section of it. Apple, Android, PC and other customers don’t care much about your efforts to diversify when you try to offer them a poor value proposition with what should be the nuclear bomb of your arsenal – video games. Sometimes it seems like the people of the company are so deeply entrenched in an insular culture that they have disconnected from their customers. Right when I’m ready to flip the bird completely you announce initiatives that show that you’re somewhat going in the right direction or at least show that you have talent.

Beautiful. It’s not the Zelda that I want but your talent graphically and technologically is there. You’re promising us that the next real entry in Zelda will be a return to basics. I will hold you to that. I’d rather receive games closer to the quality and craftsmanship of the 90’s than the general public masturbation of some you N64 and beyond work entailed. That’s not to disparage you Nintendo, I just want consistency in your quality and focus. I honestly don’t know how we went from games like Link’s Awakening and Ocarina of Time to Phantom Hourglass and Skyward Sword. There is obviously something wrong there and as a fan and a person that loves to play games I’d like it if you would fix it and return to greatness. That’s it. I don’t hate you, I just want the greatness that you’re capable of Nintendo. Do it. Do it now.